I always liked the song “Hooray for Captain Spaulding” from the Marx Bros. 1930 film, Animal Crackers. The chorus provides the introduction and fanfare for the Captain’s grand entrance, and then here comes Groucho singing, “Hello, I must be going, I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going.”
In my case, I’m not going anywhere (as far as I know), but in restarting my blog, Looking Glass Logic, I wanted to say a brief “hello” to any readers who wondered where the writer went. It’s been ten months since my last post. And since the explanation is long and windy, I’ll keep it short and simple: I’m back and hope you come back too.
I was contemplating the state of the world today as I found myself thrown out of a movie multiplex for blatantly walking in with a Starbucks iced coffee in hand.
I figured, what the hell — it’s a weekday noon showing, with only two moviegoers there who looked like they just escaped from a local nursing home. And I thought a bored ticket-taker at this time of day won’t have a problem with a small outside beverage. But, oh, no, we can’t have that. Their policy is very strict at Regal Hacienda Crossings (in Dublin, CA, just off of Interstate 580): no outside food and beverages, and there’s a sign that indicates that they can search your bags and packs. And conservatives have the nerve to call Obama a Nazi.
They refused to let me in, and I refused to give up (or hide) my coffee. So I had to go, and I missed the show.
I suppose I should have done what most other movie patrons do: shove my contraband into some dark recess on my person (and God knows I consider anything on my person personal), but I don’t feel like playing that game anymore. These days I’d rather just toss my overpriced iced coffee in someone’s fat fascist face. After all, that’s what Harpo would do.
In this economy these bloated multiplexes should be relaxing rules and reducing prices to encourage moviegoers to see the latest crappy offering from Hollywood. I could understand turning someone away with an ice chest and a portable weenie grill — and even that shouldn’t be a problem unless you’re using lighter fluid. But considering the high cost of multiplex food and drinks, a beverage from a nearby cafe shouldn’t require a normally law-abiding (and probably unemployed) citizen to walk stiffly into a movie theater with a straw protruding from their butt.
But I digress. Or maybe that’s the point. And so without further ado, let me introduce you know who: Hello, I don’t need consoling, I just returned to say, I really must be going!